From Trump to the Finnish

The only Finn we’ve ever known was a very likable fellow who used to frequent Kirby’s Beer Store during his days as a student at Wichita State University, and based on everything else we know about Finland we have a favorable opinion of the country, so we were saddened to watch Finnish President Sauli Niinisto’s obvious discomfort during two joint news conferences on Wednesday with President Donald Trump.
The American reporters in attendance cared little about Finnish-American relations, which you have to admit is not something their viewers and readers much care about, and were far more concerned with all the fast-breaking news about impeachment inquiries and other domestic matters. Niinisto therefore spent most of his time at the dais on and a White House chair watching Trump fulminate and flail against the media, trying his best to say expressionless.
Even by Trump standards it was a remarkable performance. The president said the “whistleblower” who exposed a troublesome conversation Trump had with the president of Ukraine was a spy, and declared that House Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Adam Schiff — or “shifty Schiff,” as Trump has nicknamed him — was guilty of treason. Trump also called Schiff a “lowlife” who “isn’t fit to carry (Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s) ‘blank strap.’ You understand that?”
The Finnish press corp didn’t understand the very American colloquialism that Trump was alluding to, so Trump explained that if he was more frank the “corrupt” and “fake” and “phony” media would accuse him of using a vulgarity. Earlier in the day Trump had “tweeted” that the impeachment inquiry the House of Representatives has launched is “BULLSHIT,” with all capital letters, but apparently that barnyard expletive isn’t as offensive as “jock strap.” We can only wonder what the Finnish media made of it, as we’re quite familiar with the American style of the English language and can’t quite figure out Trump’s idiolect.
Trump was especially brusque with a Reuters reporter who had the effrontery to ask about that troublesome phone call with the Ukrainian president, and Trump called him “rude” for not asking the Finnish president a question. Trump filled most of the news conferences with similar vituperation, and had little to say about the state of Finnish-American relations.
Despite his best efforts to remain diplomatically unexpressive, Niinisto can clearly be seen on videotape occasionally rolling his eyes and slightly grimacing. At one point Niinisto said “Mr. President, you have here a great democracy. Keep it going,” and he seemed quite sincere. We appreciate his best wishes. as we’ll be needing them. Here’s hoping that our former Finnish drinking buddy and all his countrymen keep it going as well.
— Bud Norman

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