Holidays for a Slow News Day

President Donald Trump has a novel idea for a big event in Washington, D.C., called “Salute to America.” It would feature a parade and lots of fireworks, and Trump would like to hold it annually on or about July 4.
>Parades and fireworks have been a tradition in Washington for the past couple of centuries, and it’s not at all clear how Trump’s “Salute to America” would be different, but at least Trump would be able to take credit for it. There’s also a good chance some Democrat will raise an objection, allowing Trump to “tweet” about his critics’ lack of patriotism. All things considered, it’s not the worst idea Trump has come up with
There’s no reason Trump should stop there. He could also propose a holiday dedicated to giving thanks in late November, celebrated with a parade and lots of turkey, and call it “Gratitude Day.” Trump’s clearly a romantic type, so he could further suggest a holiday sometime in mid-February dedicated to love, perhaps called “Grab ‘Em By the Pussy Day.” There must be a date open in to celebrate Irish-Americans with copious beer drinking, too, and that could win him a few jokes. Some time around the fifth of May would be good to celebrate Mexican-Americans with copious beer drinking, but that might lose Trump some of his base support.
Another idea is to start calling every Wednesday from “Trump day” rather than “hump day,” and let people observe it however they wish. Some would no doubt whack at Trump-shaped, but others would surely don their MAGA caps and take a whack at a journalist.
These are just suggestions, though, and we’re sure that Trump has plenty of other ideas to draw attention to himself.

— Bud Norman

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