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Speculating on the Latest Speculations

Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton reportedly has the walking pneumonia, and has exhibited symptoms of the boogie-woogie flu, which is leading to all sorts of speculation that she might be replaced at that top of her party’s ticket. The speculating isn’t just occurring in the comments sections of the more conspiracy-minded corners of the new media that have been gleefully predicting Clinton’s imminent demise for months now, but also at the old school over-the-air television networks and in the most respectable of the ancien regime ink-on-paper outlets.
We’ll not indulge any guesses about Clinton’s physical condition, as our medical expertise is pretty much limited to our Pop’s all-purpose prescription to put some merthiolate on it, but we’ve been studying both politics and the press long enough to surmise that her campaign might well be in critical condition. Her walking pneumonia was reportedly diagnosed last Friday, the same day the latest round of polls that showed her tenuous lead over the widely reviled Republican nominee slipping further into the margin of error, on Saturday she regaled a homosexual rights group’s fundraiser with her now-infamous remarks about the racist and sexist and homophobic and Islamophobic and “you name it” being a “basket of deplorables” who comprised a full half of Trump’s support, while on Sunday the polite press was still reluctantly reporting the fallout from that gaffe when she had another videotaped moment of weakness that was blamed on her walking pneumonia, which even the most polite press had to admit her walking pneumonia  should have been to revealed the public last Friday. By Monday there was chatter about who might replace her, from one end of the media to the other, and it didn’t seem at all far-fetched.
We’ve also been studying politics and the press long enough to allow for the possibility that Clinton will survive these headlines, just as she and her philandering “Comeback Kid” of a husband have survived so many others, and even in this crazy election year we’d guess it’s still a probability that candidate nominated at the convention will be the nominee on election. The “deplorables” comments will likely be treated more like Democratic nominee’s “bitter clingers” remarks in ’08, which somehow didn’t derail his candidacy, than Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s asides about the government-dependent “47 percent,” which seems to have played a role in his demise. The public might yet decide they prefer a comatose Clinton to either a cognizant Trump or or a cognizant Clinton, too, in which case we could hardly blame it.
Still, one can’t resist the fun of speculating about who might be the nominee should the Democratic coaches decide to send a replacement in from the sidelines. The sports talk show-like chatter on all the political talk shows includes such predictable choices as the ticket’s vice-presidential nominee, former Virginia Senator and Gov. Tim Kaine, the longtime Delaware Senator and sitting Vice President Joe Biden, the self-described socialist and primary runner-up Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, and Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren, the far-left darling of the party back when the Democratic race began with such high hopes and someone who could still realize the Democrats’ long-awaited dream of a First Woman President.
Each of whom, of course, would have his or her own problems. Kaine has an impeccably leftist voting record and a glaring lack of charisma. Biden has been an inconsequential vice president with a noticeably creepy way around young girls for the past eight years or so, and still carries all the plagiarism and hair plug scandals that sank his previous attempts at the top job. Sanders is still a self-described socialist, and even in such crazy election year as this we’d prefer to think that won’t play well with a general electorate. Warren is also further left of center than Clinton, not to mention the obviously white woman’s easily ridiculed claims to an Indian. Pull any other name out of a Democratic hat, and they’ll almost certainly raise similar concerns.
Any name you might pull out of a Democratic hat, on the other hand, wouldn’t be weighed down by so much baggage as Clinton has brought along in her sputtering campaign. Clinton and her philandering “Comeback Kid” of a husband have been generating juicy scandals since their Arkansas days back in the ’80s, and with less than a couple of months left until election day it’s hard to imagine that the pro-Trump media, such as they are, could whip up the same level of indignation and distrust against anyone who has been at least conscientious enough to remain so little-known. More importantly, almost any of them could credibly claim that their political scandals and moral shortcomings can’t compare with those of a thrice-married-to-a-naked-model and four-times- bankrupt casino-and-strip joint-and-reality-show mogul who mocks the handicapped and disparages American prisoners of war and endlessly praises Vladimir Putin and contributes to Clinton’s campaigns and promises the potential students at his “university” that he “personally handpicks” all the professors, to name just a few of the political scandals and moral shortcomings that have caused the Republican nominee to be regarded with such indignation and distrust that he’s still slightly behind even Clinton in the average of the polls.
There’s still the matter of political philosophies  and voting records, but the Republican nominee doesn’t seem to have any of either, and by now the general public seems to have also lost interest all that bosh in any case. If we ever somehow found ourselves running the Democratic party with the sole concern of winning an election we would be yank Clinton on whatever handy pretext presented itself and insert some dully scandal-free yet seemingly physically fit sort of more-or-less centrist, if the party still has any on hand, but we’ve followed politics long enough to bet that won’t happen. Given the chance to run the Republican Party we’d quickly yank Trump for almost any old name you might pull out of a hat, too, but at this glum point that’s also not worth speculating about.

— Bud Norman

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One response

  1. Poor Bud is now given to pretending. Pretending that his Hillary! is not fatally wounded. We read the entire column to see if he would regurgitate the latest Team Hillary talking points summarized in the phrase “powering though.” It’s supposed to conjure the image of the brave little woman who won’t let a little thing like pneumonia (or whatever disease may be inhabiting her body) stop her from performing her campaignly duties.

    Perhaps Bud didn’t get the message in time for the column. But he did manage to throw in today’s basket of … um … untruths about the next President of the United States, Donald Trump.

    Skipping over the familiar litany of hyperbole let us focus on one sentence that holds up its hand for ridicule: “There’s still the matter of political philosophies and voting records, but the Republican nominee doesn’t seem to have any of either, and by now the general public seems to have also lost interest all that bosh in any case.”

    We skip over the grammatical errors and go to the heart of the issue. Is there someone on this terrestrial globe with an IQ greater than a rutabaga who does not know what Trump stands for? It’s precisely those issues that have the #NeverTrumpers undies in a wad. If he were as bereft of political philosophy as Hillary the Ruling Class would not be as outraged.

    He wants to do something effective to end illegal immigration and a wall is part of the package. How monstrous, racist and impossible says the Ruling Class!

    He wants to renegotiate lousy trade deals that have left millions of working men and women without a job or hope. Disastrous, will lead to trade wars, says the rich and entitled Ruling Class!

    He thinks that NATO may need a new coat of paint and a new reason for being. Unthinkable, it’s the way we’ve always done it, says the Ruling Class!

    He thinks he may be able to work with Putin, the ruler of Russia and solve common problems. We want a war with Russia says the Ruling Class!

    And if you are a member of the Republican establishment, having worked tirelessly for years to gain acceptance and recognition, you can’t stand anyone upsetting the apple cart. You have been telling the rubes that things are dire and you have the answers if they only elect another Republican to office – any office. Bright new/old faces who promise to fix the dire problems you have identified but never do. But you simply cannot abide anyone who doesn’t fit the mold of the colorless apparatchiks; the kind that fade into the wallpaper if you’re passing by. So now this bumpkin, this clown with an orange face and yellow hair, knocks off 16 “great” new hopes for the Republican party, comes in and upsets the tea cart and suddenly the problems are really not that great. Solutions can wait … till 2024 when Cruz will be tanned, fit and ready. In the meantime what could possible go wrong?

    Those thrown into the “basket of deplorables” aren’t buying it. Bud, on the other hand, is not in that basket. It’s getting easier and easier to find out who’s got your back as this campaign unfolds. Keep on “powering through” Bud.

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