The Celebrity Case for the Disastrous Iran Deal

At this point we have nothing but a general indifference and otherwise mild contempt for the celebrity class, but every now and then it exerts it influence in ways that demand our protestation. One such case is the latest celebrity-laden propaganda on behalf of the Obama administration’s godawful deal with Iran regarding its unabashed nuclear ambitions.
You probably haven’t already seen it, but the White House-sanctioned video features notable yet probably unfamiliar personalities such as Morgan Freeman, Jack Black, Natasha Lyonne, Queen Noor, and some exotically handsome fellow of fashionably unidentifiable ethnicity that we swear we’ve never seen before, all explaining that either Congress goes along with the administration’s obviously flawed deal with Iran or that we all die in one of those post-apocalyptic nuclear holocaust movie scenarios that were a staple of early ’70s cinema. The argument’s flaws are obvious enough to anyone who has been paying attention to details of the obviously flawed deal, which allows Iran to blatantly cheat on all the other terms and continue it’s anti-western and generally genocidal rhetoric and actions until the 10-year band on Iranian nuclear programs expires, but it might prove persuasive enough to that portion of the population that is taken with the likes of Morgan Freeman, Jack Black, Natasha Lyonne, Queen Noor, and whoever that exotically handsome fellow of of fashionably unidentifiable ethnic origin are. For the benefit of those few readers who are even less hip to celebrity culture than we are, Morgan Freeman is a gray-haired and distinguished-looking African-American actor with an intimidating voice who routinely portrays God or other God-like characters in popular motion pictures, Jack Black is an overweight hipster who until recently convincingly and entertainingly played overweight hipsters in popular comedies, Natasha Lyonne is an actress with offbeat yet fetching good looks who has appeared in a number of critically acclaimed independent movies and as a lesbian prison predator in the Netflix sensation “Orange is the New Black,” Queen Noor is the aging but still-beguiling western gold-digger still married to the King of Jordan, and we still have no idea who the exotically handsome fellow of fashionably unidentifiable ethnic origin is, but none of this causes their well-read statements to make any sense.

Freeman is a convincing enough God, Black is always completely believable and often hilarious as an overweight hipster dude, Lyonne is always fetching in an offbeat sort of way even in her most degrading roles, Noor is an undeniably handsome woman who really is married to the king of a country that surely is high on the list of Iran’s intended targets, and we still have no idea who that exotically handsome fellow of unidentifiable ethnic origin might be, but none of this leads us to believe that a deal that allows an Iranian theocratic dictatorship that makes no secret of its genocidal and ant-western and anti-modernity plans to develop a nuclear bombs to proceed openly with its plans. There’s some talk about how the Iranians love their children as much as westerners do, as though westerners were also strapping suicide vests onto their children, and an implied argument that not allowing Iran to develop a nuclear bomb would cause it provoke a nuclear, and something about crazed Republican congressman working in lockstep with the nefarious Jews to bring about Armageddon, but the gist of it is that these are celebrities making these ridiculous arguments and that should be good enough for the rest of us.
So far these relatively minor celebrities aren’t attracting many “hits” on the internet, and the anonymous likes of Arkansas’ Sen. Tom Cotton, an Iraq War veteran who dealt with Iran’s improvised explosive devices in the the hell of that war, seem to be getting the better of the argument. We surely hope this will prevail, because as God-like as Freeman’s baritone can sound, and not matter how hip Black might seem with his kids and Frisbee, and and no matter how hot Lyonne is in an off-beat and independent-flick sort of way, or how very western Noor is in her own handsome way, or how exotically handsome and unidentifiably ethnic that other guy is, all their arguments lead to an Iranian nuclear bomb. That would be ugly, and not at all funny, or the least bit God-like, and it’s best that the public remain indifferent at best and mildly contemptuous of their of opinions refer to common sense instead.

— Bud Norman

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